P-Can...P-Con!

hmmm. My favorite food to eat for thanksgiving is probably pecan pie. Its the ONlY time my we ever have it. I stuffing and taters and everything all good but pecan pie is definately my favorite, probable just because i never have it. We always have it though, every thanks giving. I always eat it with vanilla ice cream, and so mine is always the best. Its great though because we have so many desserts and most people eat pumpkin pie, or cherry pie, or pumpkin bread, not me though, i love pecan pie. Its delicious, and now im hungry. I love arguing with my family over it too. We always have the debate over if its pecAn or pecOn well at least how its prenounced. I call it pecan. because the word can is pronounced with with an A so pecan should be too. (:

Rain.

Rain means leaving this world. When its raining outside and ive been having a rough time, i just like to go to my yard and stand there looking up, feeling to rain on my face. I forget all about my problems its like im washing my slate clean, I feel like im the only person in the world, its just me and no one else, not anybody, even anything. I just go numb, but its a good numb, its like for once i forget about my mom, i forget about heartache, about school, my brothers, money, everything. I feel undefeatable for once in my life. I feel important and in control, like nothing can move me. I love it. Until the thunder strikes, then i hurry my little butt in the house and call up the boyfriend to come save me (:

Alex Hay.

Well. I'd like to thank Alex. He's been my brothers friend since i was 3 and so hes somewhat like a brother. I mean thats how we introduce each other. Anywho, he went to afganistan a while ago and when he told me he was leaving i cried and cried and hugged him and all that, it was awful. When he came home i was so excited i didnt even know he was supposed to be bakc for another 2 weeks and when i walked in my house from school he was down stairs sitting on my bed watching tv, just like nothing had ever happened. So of course i freaked and he tried to act all non scalant but he was excited for sure. We went out to eat and spent probably the rest of the day together but all night i had been noticing something was different. He was really different. I dont know how to explain it but he deffinatly left Alex and came back idk what. Sadly he was called back into duty and the night he found out he went out partying and broke abunch of bottles on his own head and then tried to kill himself, i was so scared. I cant imagine what he went through over there. I can only assure you it was something he never wants to go back to. I do thank him though. Hes one of the bravest people i know and i love him to death. I also miss him, the him that he used to be.

randomm

Omg. my knee has been hurting really bad again :( i really hope its not surgery. I hate needles. GRRRR. but i dont know i mean doctors keep telling me that i have bad knees bad ankles i mean just throw me in a wheelchair and roll me away already haha. no really dont cuz that would suck and i really dont know how i would survive without mobility but anyhow. Other than my knee things are going pretty dern good i think i have a job at dairy queen pretty much waiting for me so hopefully ill get my christmas dress & something for the boo! but bells about to ring so i probly ought to shut this sucker down. ta ta for now!

College.

college is coming up fast and im begining to worry because lots of my friends are getting accepted and i havent even applied yet, not because i dont want to go or because im procrastinating but because i cant afford to apply its so expensive! I mean i'm actually even nervous to ask my mom. I know it will only make her feel like a "bad mom" but i need to start applying at least, well on a plus note dairy queen is going to call me i think so hopefully i have a job and ill be able to at least apply to one or two schools here soon. im just scared. its kind of scaring me ALOT. and i dont know what to do i dont really forsee many options i feel like the universe is just working against me. And what sucks is im one of those kids that actually have plans for my life ive always wanted to go to college and i just dont know what to do about it not going is not an option!

Its monday.

okay so this year is going by so fast and for like the past week me and jason have been fighting alot. finally i broke down last night and just cried my eyes out and we talked and im freaking out because my whole life ive wanted to get away from home and go to college far away acutally i wanted to go out of state but now that weve been together for a while and i cant stand being apart from him ive been thinking about going to wesleyan until he graduates and transferring but i dont want to be the girl that gives up her dreams for some guy, and also louisville keeps talking him about an art scholarship thing and hes like no no no i want to come with you so we can be together and so then i feel bad cuz i feel likes hes giving up his dreams and i dont want niether one of us to compromise but i also dont wanna spilt up so my heart and my head are ocnflicting and im stuck!