poem

i was walking down the road today
and i saw a flower
purple and white this flower
purple and white and beautiful too
i thought of you

i was lying in the bed today
watching my tv
dane cook mad me laugh out loud
right until my eyes peed
i thought of you

i was talking to my mom today
and hugged her when i left
she wrapped me in hers and squeezed
i love you too i said
i thought of you

i think of you at crack of dawn
and in the afternoon
i think of you at evenings meal
and when i see the moon

i think of you when i dont mean to
and when i want you near
i think of all the love i have
and how its all for you; my dear

i think of how sweet it is to look into your eyes
and also how hard it is to miss you & goodbyes

while i write i think of you
while i read i think of you
when i think its all for you
so can you help me please
bestow upon me just one word
and let it be the name of thee

feeling brothers blues.

OMGG! my little brother went in for surgery today =-l and im sooo scared about it. Im going to the hospital after school to visit him and check on him and stuff but i hate this i know hes going to be all sad and i also know that in the long run he will feel better. idk why im stressing so much i mean im sure that he is fine everything will go great and stay that way i just know it but it still makes me nervous just because im a worry wart i suppose. I'm stressin about it though, its going to just break my heart to see him lying in a hospital bed in pain. my goodness this is awful. I just want to leave now and go and check on him. I didnt tell him good luck or anything this morning because i figured it would make him more scared if i did like it was me saying my goodbyes or something idk stupid thought because now im regretting it and i feel like he hates me for it. Well honestly i know he doesnt hate me he probably hasnt even thought about if his annoying mean older sister has said anything to him today but i just know that i havent so it just isnt sitting well on my brain or conscience or whatever that word is. well ive vented for now, thanks for listening.

Reason for the worry wart

wow. im massive worried. my mom has to go to court at one o'clock today. shes supposed to be getting her disability money or whatever its called and if she doesnt get this money then were going to forclose on our house and were already really broke. when i say broke i mean like massive poor people broke. i keep trying to give words of encouragement to her like this morning she was crying and shes all worried about it but i just im really worried and i know she doesnt know that i am but i mean how can i not be. what are we supposed to do if she doesnt get this money. we have no where else to go. its not like its just the two of us either we have a big family that i need to take care of. i used to do a good job at it to. but now i dont have a job and im not able to provide for them like i used to do. i just keep thinking of my little brothers, they dont even know whats going on. i mean they are used to getting lots of the things that they want dont get me wrong we have never been loaded or anything but the boys were ok. this year rayce didnt get anything for his birthday, and jetts is coming up and i dont know if hes going to get anything either. it doesnt bother me that i didnt get anything i could care less but them... i just feel like were breaking their spirits or something. which probably sounds over dramatic or something but its just what comes to mind. its pretty awful. my mom cant think of anything but us hating her. and we wouldnt hate her. i mean no lie id be disappointed and stressed and probably cry but i just dont know what else to do. just i dont know right now and who am i supposed to talk to about this? no one. there is no one. oh well. guess i ought to go. bye.

tearful in love.

He's mad at me and keeps finding ways to blame it on me. He just seems like he's always negative and thats not how he usually is. usually he makes me happy and hes always happy and smiling and funny and sweet and now hes just got this attitude and i dont even complain about it im just walking down the hall with him and he says whats your problem your acting like you dont wanna be around me. gosh i hope he knows hes really breaking my heart right now. i love him and ive never loved anybody before in my life. i dont trust people ever and think love is a very important word and you dont need to throw it around. hes really killing me. im trying so hard not to break down right now and just bawl my eyes out, thats what i want to do right now just cry until i cant cry anymore, and the worst part about it is i told him we needed to talk later that it was important and i wanted to talk about it in person but not at school and he just dont even seem to care. hes still got this bad attitude and i just dont know what i did. I havent done anything wrong and even though i dont think i did i still apologized to him just to try and make everything better. all he said was why are you sorry and then when i was like for whatever it was i did to make you mad and he gets mad because he said hes not mad and nothing is wrong. i just dont know what to do at this point. my stomach is in knots and im tearing up so i guess im shuting up now. guna go watch beowulf.

i admire...

I admire a leader who has the courage to do what is right even if it means looking at some of his followers and telling them no, or going against what they want. I admire someone who takes the time to get to know his people, maybe not all of his individual followers but at least what the majority or many of the people beleive, someone who realizes that he is not the only one on the planet and also realizes its possible for him to be wrong, I admire someone who earned their position and did not earn it by having friends, or connections, i admire someone who is modest and kind, but also knows when to be stern and strict. all of these qualities are the most important in my eyes. I look at a persons ability to perform his responsibility as well as his ability to get to know someone and socialize. Its important to me that someone doesnt perform as if he is better than me. Its important. Yupp. It sure is.

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2009-06-08-Obama.jpg

Labor day Dilema

Happy Friday! It's coming up on labor day and im not as stoked as most people would be. Labor day is like the anniversary of my dads death and it kinda sucks every year. On top of that I swear people are talking about stuff like death every where. I mean the Prompt for us to write about today was why friendship doubles your happiness and halves your grief. I know that the worlds not out to get me or anything but i just always intend or forgeting about what happened and it always sneaks back up in my head for like no freaking reason. I guess it just happens so that all good. Other than that I hope to have a pretty sweet long weekend haha so thats pretty awesome!