nightmaresss.

okay so i havent slept in probably almost a week. i keep having nightmares. dont laugh im serious. theyre about my dad and theyre really awful and its just the same two dreams every night. 1) well im like viewing it from outside of myself you know? like through someone elses eyes or something. my dad walks through the door and im sitting at the kitchen table and im like hey daddy! and he ignores me and i just sit there trying to talk to him. Eventually im screaming my lungs out at him DADDY! DADDY! and he just wont even look at me. its pretty much like i dont exist and for some reason i never get up and go like hug him or punch him ( not sure which one id rather do ). anywhoo the second dream; its viewing it from my own eyes this time. I can see my feet walking down the stairs, really slowly too. and i turn the corner and see my daddy sitting in the big blue chair he ALWAYS sat in and i walk over all slow and hes like hey sweet pea and motions me to sit in his lap... instead the next thing i see is part of a shot gun, in my hands, i shoot him, wipe off the gun and put it in his hands like a suicide, (which is how he really died) and then walk out the basement door and make sure it locks and then i wake up freaking out. when he first died i had a theory that he was murdered and didnt kill himself, but i never thought i did it so... yeah. these dreams are pretty awful, i mean theyre killing me... bad choice of words, but you know what i mean. anywayss, merry christmas adioss!